Pulsation
by tebrighteyes
Summary: Kaoru is standing in the doorway, waiting to be born.
1. Chapter 1

Pulsation

Chapter 1

The beds are stacked up on top of each other, looking like crates. The air around him is stale and smells of sickness and sweat. He still hasn't gotten used to it. The floor underneath his bare feet is only narrow slabs of wood, wet and rotting. Everywhere he looks there are flies and cockroaches. The heat is sweltering and people around him moan, to sick to even leave their beds.

He is eight years old and he knows what death looks like, knows what burning bodies smell like. He's watched in wide-eyed horror as his parents were dragged away from him. He remembers his mother trying to reach for him, can still hear her terrified screaming ringing in his ears.

He's wearing soiled rags. His nose is running, his hair is matted with filth, and his body is covered in open sores and insect bites. He's staving, his limbs look skeletal. He wonders why he's still alive. Beside him is his younger brother, his twin. He loves him more than anything, will do anything to protect him because his twin is the only thing he has left. Their hands are clasped together, fingers interlaced so tightly it hurts.

A man towers over them, peering down in unmasked amazement. His uniform is dark navy blue. He has short dark hair and is clean-shaven. His boots are black, made of leather, and so polished they shine. There are silver buttons as well as golden badges on his uniform. He smells like shaving cream and cinnamon.

He smiles, kneels down at their eye level but without quite touching the floor. "What are your names?" He asks softly, kindly.

The last time an adult paid this much attention to him without biting words, harsh orders, and shouting is hard to remember. It feels like some distorted dream when he and his twin used to hide their mother's underwear and ate chocolate chip cookies before dinner. When they heard bedtime stories, holding their breaths with anticipation each time their mother turned the page and giggling when their father enacted the voices.

"I'm Hikaru." He responds instantly. His throat is dry and his voice is raspy from disuse. He gestures to his twin. "That's Kaoru." He answers for him since Kaoru hasn't spoken ever since their parents were taken. He and Kaoru can just as easily communicate without words so he doesn't think it matters much.

"You're twins." The man says, Hikaru can hear the excitement in his voice as he glances between the two of them. "You're completely identical."

It's not a question but Hikaru nods anyway, smiling through cracked lips.

The man smiles back, reaches into a duffel bag he has placed on the floor, pulls out a container. He takes off the lid, revealing that it's filled to the brim with jellybeans and black licorice. "Do you like candy?"

It's been days since Hikaru's eaten anything except for watered down soup. Kaoru's fingers curl slightly against his own. Hikaru reads it for what it is, Kaoru's afraid of the man, wants Hikaru to stay away from him. Hikaru ignores his twin, too consumed by hunger. He pulls away from Kaoru, reaches for the candy with broken fingernails and dirt covered hands. He grabs as much as he can, shoves it into his mouth, nearly swallowing it whole. The candy is tangy and sweet. It makes his teeth hurt but it's the best thing he's ever remembered tasting. He grabs another handful, the man takes his elbow. "Not so fast. You're going to make yourself sick."

Hikaru nods, forces himself to chew. The man is gentle, amazing, and doesn't belong in this place. In seconds Hikaru is completely won over, completely trusts him. He feels a sense of hope; maybe the man has come to take them away from all this.

Hikaru swallows what's left in his mouth and turns to his twin. Kaoru hasn't reached for any of the candy. He's moved to stand behind Hikaru, arms wrapped protectively around himself, staring at the floor in disinterest.

The man lightly touches his shoulder, regaining his attention. Hikaru meets his eyes. They are warm and deep blue. All Hikaru can do is repeat in his head p_lease save us…please get us away from here. Save us please please please!_

"How would the two of you like to come with me?" The man asks as if he can read his thoughts.

Hikaru feels pure relief wash over him. Tears sting his eyes and he wants to fall to the floor sobbing and crying. Instead he turns to Kaoru but his twin's eyes are glazed over with pure terror. "No!" Kaoru's voice cracks but Hikaru just looks at him in shock to hear him finally speak.

"No" Kaoru repeats, taking a frantic step backwards. "We can't go with him Hikaru! We can't! We can't!"

Kaoru is panicking, screaming, crying.

Hikaru doesn't understand why and it scares him. He reaches out to his twin, holding on to him. "We're saved." He tells him, repeating it like a mantra. "We're saved. We're saved."

Kaoru struggles against him, something he's never done before. His eyes dart in all directions, trying to find a place to run. "I don't want to go!" Kaoru shouts to no one, his voice reaches past hysteria and it's agony to hear. "I don't want to go! I don't want to go! Please don't make me! Please don't make me! I don't want to go! Please no! No! No!"

In the end they don't have a choice but Kaoru was right so completely right because the next thing Hikaru knows is that he's strapped down to a metal examination table. There are bright lights constantly in his eyes. There are needles, scalpels, and no anesthetic. His throat is raw and he can taste blood in his mouth from endless screaming. The man claims he's a doctor. He comes and leaves as well as others.

Hikaru wishes for death because his world is nothing but terror and endless pain. Even with everything he's been through, he never could have imagined this, not even his nightmares could come close. This is pure hell. He cries for his parents who are probably dead, he cries for anyone. The man doesn't care, neither do the others. They stare down at him, taking notes, always taking notes. Their eyes are a mixture of wonder and detachment. Sometimes he catches what they say.

"_There's so much we can learn about twins."_

"_They're the secret to genetics."_

"_Medical mysteries."_

"_It's amazing. They're completely identical."_

Kaoru's beside him through all of this. Kaoru never leaves his side. He's strapped down to another metal table right beside his and Kaoru screams right along with him. Hikaru can't see him. He can't turn his head, it's wrenched backwards and he can only stare at the ceiling. He's counted twenty-seven cracks.

He's been forced into unconsciousness countless times and he always comes out of it slowly. He's learned to stop panicking when his vision seems hazy and his thoughts feel scattered but this time he can tell something is off. He blinks, tries to focus and moves his hand toward Kaoru as far as the restraints allow. "K-Kaoru" he calls weakly. There's no answer. Usually, Kaoru finds some way to reply and even when he can't Hikaru can hear his heavy breathing. Hikaru vaguely remembers sounds of banging, ripping, and metal scratching against metal. Then his twin's familiar screaming but it had been different. It was vibrating, piercing, and wet until everything had fallen dead silent.

Hikaru gasps for air, he feels as if his chest has been cut open, his ribcage crushed, his organs torn out but he's not sure why. He's still whole as far as he can tell. "Kaoru!" He calls again, forcing his voice to go louder. There's still only silence. Somehow it's deafening and he feels as if he could choke on it. There's a metallic scent in the air and somehow Hikaru knows. He feels it like an electric jolt and he presses his fingers into the cold metal table. His stomach lurches into his throat and tears unconsciously run down the corners of his eyes. He feels sick, so sick and he hates himself as he pleads,pleads, pleads that Kaoru really is dead.

He freezes as he hears footsteps echo in the room as the man comes to stand beside him. The same man with the blue uniform and the black licorice, who smells of cinnamon with the promise of _I'll get you out of here_. "W-what...K-Kaoru?" It's all he can force from his throat.

The man doesn't answer him, instead hovering over him, a slight grin on his upside down face as he pulls Hikaru's eyelid back. There are more blinding lights. The man writes something on a clipboard, prepares an injection. Fighting never does any good but Hikaru still struggles, fights every single one. The injections burn like liquid fire. The needle is moved closer towards his arm. "Please no…No! No! No!"

He can feel the tip graze against his skin. "NO!"

o0o

Hikaru's eyes snap open. He's staring at the ceiling of his neighbor's house. Everything is pitch-black except for moonlight streaming through a large window and the glow of the TV. He sits up breathing hard, clutching at his chest, feels his heart racing. He runs a hand through his sweat-slicked hair, taking deep breaths. "What the hell was that?" He mutters.

He must have fallen asleep on the couch. He was watching _The Fast and the Furious_ but instead a late night talk show is on. He turns the TV off, clicks a lamp on, and glances at the clock. It's been nearly two hours. He nearly jumps when his cell phone rings. He grabs it off the coffee table, flips it open without looking. "Hello?"

"Hikaru?"

He feels a sense of relief at Haruhi's voice. "Hey, Haruhi what's up?"

She's silent for a few seconds before she responds. "Hikaru, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

"You sound shaky."

Hikaru props his feet up on the coffee table, leans back against the couch. "I had this really messed up nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He considers, but the details are already slipping away from him, seem distant. Trying to recall them makes him shudder, makes his stomach twist. "I don't remember most of it." He replies. "But I think I was strapped to a table. There was someone else with me. We were being tortured." He takes a breath. "Think it means anything?"

She doesn't answer.

"Haruhi?"

"Sorry." Her voice is breathless as if she's trying to hold back laughter. "I was just thinking maybe it means you have commitment issues."

"Funny." He says sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm just trying to distract you a bit. So how's babysitting going?"

"Fine."

"No problems?"

"No, the kids are upstairs sleeping. They were asleep before I even got here. I've been watching TV. It's boring honestly."

"Hmm." She hums.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm up in my room studying."

Hikaru smirks. "What are you wearing?"

"A T-shirt and boxers." She says without hesitation.

"Boxers? You're not any good at this Haruhi."

"Guess not. They're comfortable anyway."

He's about to reply when the baby monitor clicks to life from the side table. It sounds as if someone is breathing heavily into it. There's a large amount of static 'Kaoru's standing in the doorway, waiting to be born' says a childish voice which is broken up into fragments but Hikaru can hear each word eerily clear. He can't take his eyes away from it and he feels a sudden chill. Somehow the shadows in the living room seem longer. "Haruhi." He says into the phone and can't quite keep the uncertainty out of his voice. "I have to go. I think one of the kid's is awake."

"Hikaru," He can hear the concern in her voice. "Are you sure you're okay? You sound strange again."

"I'm fine I-"

"Look, I know it's late but I can come down there if you want."

"No-"

"It's really no problem."

"Haruhi, it's alright really. The kids' parents should be home any minute now and my dad's right across the street anyway."

"Alright, if you're sure," Haruhi still sounds skeptical. "Call if you change your mind. So see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I love you Haruhi." It's the first time he's ever said it even though they've been together just over a year. They met on college campus when they were both eighteen. They both had lost their mothers, were both raised by their fathers who seemed to never be at home. Ever since he'd met Haruhi life had gotten amazingly better.

There was a pause and for a moment Hikaru was afraid she wasn't going to reply.

"I love you too." He could nearly hear the smile in her voice.

Hikaru closes the cell phone, makes his way to the stairs. The hallway's dark and seems unnaturally long. He feels jumpy, on edge, and really can't figure out the reason. There's nothing out of the ordinary. He's in his neighbor's house, checking on the kids, that's all. He reaches the baby's room. The doorknob feels freezing cold. The room's pitch black but he can see Matty the four year old, leaning over the crib.

"Matty, hey you're going to wake her up. You should be in bed." He flicks the light on, blinking as his eyes adjust. He sees a flash of something silvery dangling from Matty's fingers. "Matty, c'mon what are you doing?"

It's not until Hikaru takes a step closer that he can see what it is, a small piece of mirror that looks broken and cracked, the edges pointed and sharp. Matty's has it dangerously close to the infant's face, the point of it grazing right between her eyes.

"Hey!" Hikaru shouts, gripping Matty's shoulder to jerk him away.

The boy's express is blank, his eyes black and hollow. He lashes out. Hikaru doesn't have a chance to move out of the way before the fragment of mirror skims against his cheek, leaving a long shallow cut.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Hikaru pries the mirror away from Matty's death grip, grips the boy's shoulders.

Matty looks at him with the same blank expression. "Kaoru's standing in the doorway."

"What?"

"Kaoru's standing in the doorway." Matty says louder.

"Kaoru's standing in the doorway."

"Kaoru's standing in the doorway!"

o0o

His neighbor's arms are crossed, her lips pressed into a thin line as she stares at the cut on his cheek. "Are you sure Matty did that?"

Hikaru bites his lip in irritation. He doesn't point out that he wouldn't be careless enough to cut his own face, not to mention how hard it would be, and that it had taken him at least twenty minutes to drag the kid back into his own room. "Positive."

Her husband meets her eyes. "Matty has been acting strangely the past few days, distant."

She sighs, runs a hand through her blonde hair, and opens her purse, hands Hikaru the agreed on amount and a little extra. "I'm sorry about this Hikaru. We'll talk to him. Thanks for coming over."

"Yeah, sure." He reaches the door before turning around again, their faces look troubled, lost in thought. "Matty kept saying 'Kaoru's standing in the doorway' does the name…does Kaoru mean anything to you?" For some reason the name makes Hikaru uneasy. The more he thinks about it the more he feels an obscured sense of familiarity but he knows he's never heard the name in his life.

"No." She shakes her head, sounds a little disturbed, unsure. "I've never head of that before."

"It's probably just an imaginary friend." Her husband concludes. "Matty's probably just going through a phase."

Hikaru lets himself out, promising himself he'll never baby-sit again.

o0o

His father is still up when he gets home. The TV is on in the living room, although turned down so low Hikaru can barely hear it. His father sits at the kitchen table, paper work lying in piles. He's resting his head on one hand. There's a pen in the other. He looks up when he sees Hikaru. "How'd it go?"

"Fine," Hikaru relents. "No problems."

His father yawns. "Glad to hear it."

Hikaru heads to the stairs. "I'm going to bed Dad. I have class in the morning."

His father stares blearily back down at the paperwork. "Oh, right. Goodnight Hikaru."

o0o

Hikaru leans over the sink, spitting out toothpaste and rinses his mouth out. He glances up and catches his reflection from the medicine cabinet. Without thinking he lifts an arm and runs his fingers down the glass.

He thinks about Matty leaning over the crib, the way the jagged piece of mirror looked as it reflected the infant's eyes. He can still see Matty's blank expression as if the four year old was somewhere else entirely.

_'Kaoru's standing in the doorway, waiting to be born.'_

Hikaru's breath catches in his throat and he presses his hand fully against the glass. It's almost as if he looking at someone else and he half expects something to reach for him. But it's only a mirror and he forces himself to turn away and leave the room.

It's hard to get to sleep. The dream keeps coming back to him, of being strapped to a metal table, the terror, the razor sharp pain. He can nearly feel an equally terrified hand in his, a small voice calling out to him, screaming his name over and over again, begging him to make it stop stop stop...

Hikaru twists, the sheets wrapping around his legs.

_'Kaoru's standing in the doorway.'_

He realizes if he tilts his head a little he can still see the mirror from the bathroom. It's a long time before sleep comes.

o0o

AN: So I watched Host Club and now I'm completely obsessed with the twins. Then I watched The Unborn and I got this idea. The fic is based on the movie and is going to follow it somewhat but end up very different. This is also completely AU if you haven't guessed, meaning there was never a host club.

This is also not going to focus on romance at all. As far as the Hikaru/Haruhi thing goes I just basically needed a main female character and Haruhi was the best fit. Plus I kind of like the pairing but like I said there's basically going to be no romance. I just think there needs to be more suspense type stuff especially around the twins!

Thanks so much for reading guys!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! Just a note, I changed the ending of the first chapter so you may want to go back and read. Just the very last scene though.

Chapter 2

The alarm clock goes off much too early. Hikaru groans and blindly reaches an arm out to shut it off. He drags himself out of bed and is still half-asleep when he finally makes his way downstairs. There's no trace of his father and all the paper work has been cleared from the table. Hikaru's not surprised. They've never talked much, not even when he was a little kid. His father works for a software company. He's quite and easy going. Hikaru's complete opposite.

Sometimes Hikaru thinks he resents him even with all the sacrifices his father has made to carve out a decent life for them, paying for a nice college, and even buying him the blue sports car he wanted for his sixteenth birthday. Still it wasn't easy growing up alone. Sometimes he wonders how Haruhi makes it seem so easy. For so long his life felt dull and he was endlessly bored. He'd lose himself in video games and floor his car on deserted roads just to feel the adrenalin rush but nothing did the trick. There was always something missing, a piece of himself, that even Haruhi hasn't been able to replace.

Hikaru opens the cabinet door and reaches for the Fruity Pebbles, only to discover the box is empty. He sighs, tossing it into the trashcan. He really wanted the sugar to help him wake up but he settles for making something. He takes out a skillet and grabs a couple of eggs, cracking them open. He still wants something sugary and he's feeling adventurous so he takes out the pancake syrup as well as the shredded cheese and pepper flakes, wondering how they'll taste in eggs.

He turns back, reaching for the handle, his fingers coming within inches of a large insect that's covered in the egg yolk. He jerks away, the skillet grinding against the burner. The insect is black and looks like a deformed cricket. It makes jerky movements, lurching itself against the metal sides as it tries to escape the heat, looking as if it's actually in pain. In disgust, Hikaru dumps the whole thing into the garbage disposal. The blades rotate. There's a dull crunch and Hikaru swears he can hear it scream. He doesn't feel like breakfast anymore.

o0o

Hikaru crunches a dried leaf underneath his shoe from where he's sitting on a bench, opposite to Tamaki and Haruhi. He grinds the leaf further into the cement to keep the annoyance off his face when the blond wraps an arm around Haruhi's neck. Tamaki and Haruhi had been friends at some prestigious high school. Haruhi on a scholarship and Tamaki because he's the illegitimate son and only heir to his father's multimillion dollar corporation. Nothing ever came of it but they're still close. So close Tamaki even followed her to the same college when it put him behind a year and Hikaru knows he can afford better.

It's just a two-year college Hikaru has to keep reminding himself. Not to much longer and they'll have to transfer anyway, hopefully without Tamaki.

"He had the mirror right in the baby's face." Hikaru traces the red line on his cheek, his voice coming out more high strung then what he intended. "And then he hit me with it."

"He's just a kid Hikaru," Haruhi replies, seeming oblivious as Tamaki's hand moves to rest on her shoulder. "I'm sure he didn't know what he was doing."

"You weren't there. He knew exactly what he was doing."

Tamaki frowns slightly, looking thoughtful. "My grandmother was always really superstitious."

Haruhi glances at him, doubtfully

"On my mom's side," Tamaki elaborates. "She'd go on and on about mirrors. She used to say a newborn's not ready to see their reflection until they're at least a year old. If they do, it's bad luck. It means they'll die soon."

Haruhi blinks. "Are you sure she really said that?"

"That doesn't even make sense!" Hikaru snaps. His eyes land back on Tamaki's arm since somehow the blond has managed to shift even closer to Haruhi. Tamaki's just naturally affectionate and Hikaru's learned a long time ago to tolerate it. Tamaki and Haruhi are just friends but Hikaru's feeling unnaturally irritated, shaken from last night and this morning, and he doesn't think he can handle Tamaki's gibberish on top of it.

"Hey," Tamaki lifts his free hand in defense. "It's not like I'm saying I believe it, it's just-"

Hikaru doesn't hear the rest of what he says as he stands up and walks quickly away.

o0o

Hikaru sits at the back of the lecture hall. It's the only class he shares with Tamaki and he doesn't have any intention of speaking to him especially after earlier.

"Okay," The professor's voice echoes. "As far as we know the universe is roughly 15 billion years old. So if the universe had a beginning what happened before the beginning? Einstein would tell us that there was no before because time itself did not yet exist. So here's another question for you, how big is the universe? Does the universe just keep going on forever? And if it doesn't just keep going on…"

The lecture's actually interesting but Hikaru's having trouble paying attention. His thoughts keep coming back to last night and he draws an intricate maze on his notebook paper, trying to distract himself. The professor's voice becomes distorted, fading until it's nothing but background noise.

_Kaoru's standing in the doorway._

Everything blurs, blends together. Hikaru blinks, rubs at his eyes. The lines from his maze seem to move by themselves, morphing into letters. _Kaoru wants to be born now._

His head swims, his eyelids feel heavy, and he rests his head on top of his arms. He closes his eyes, trying to block everything out.

o0o

It's been three days since anyone's been inside the room. He can tell since at night everything goes completely dark until weak rays of sunlight filter through the boarded up window and scatter across the ceiling. They've left him strapped to the metal table. A smell like spoiled milk has mixed with the metallic and there's the sound of something dripping. Still he doesn't stop calling to Kaoru, repeating his name over and over again until he starts sobbing and he's left in nothing but darkness.

The man and the others have been gone for several hours before, a day at the most but it's never been this long. There's fluid in his lungs and it's hard to breathe, everything looks like shadows and blurred shapes, the hunger has faded to a dull ache. He never thought he'd want them to come back but at least they would give him some water, let him up off the table for a few minutes to clean himself. He's not sure how much longer he can survive like this and he's pulled at the restraints so much that they've cut into his wrists. He so afraid to be alone any longer, just wants to see Kaoru again but he can barely move and everything is so still and long and drawn out.

The door opens and he automatically tenses. He hears someone take in a sharp breath and then several voices he doesn't recognize. Someone is giving orders and everyone is talking and moving at the same time. Then someone's beside him, cutting through the restraints. They help him to sit up, turn his face toward them, try to shield his eyes. They tell him everything's going to be okay. He just needs to close his eyes, he just can't look.

But Hikaru has to look, he has to know. He struggles away, pushing himself off the edge off the table. His legs don't support him and he lands heavily on the floor. It hurts so much to move but he manages to crawl to Kaoru's table. No one tries to stop him. He grips the edge, forces himself to his feet, peers over.

Kaoru's skin has been split from his collarbone down past his navel. There are surgical tools and congealed blood. Hikaru can see splinters of bone and sliced through muscle. Everything that's supposed to be inside his twin is left out on full display. Kaoru's mouth is twisted, his eyes stare upward without seeing.

/

There are so many kids in the orphanage and only one woman that takes care of them. No one says anything when Hikaru tucks his one thin sheet underneath the mattress to make a tent, crawls under the bed and rocks himself to sleep, they don't say anything when he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming uncontrollably. The other kids are all lost in their own worlds, they cast him weary glances, don't talk to him.

No one believes him when he says he still sees Kaoru but he can, he knows he can. Kaoru comes to him every night, sits with him under the bed. He looks exactly like he last saw him only his eyes have completely rotted through and he's covered with maggots and large black insects. Kaoru whispers to him, his vacant gaze hard and mocking. '_It's your fault I died. You should have tried harder. It's all your fault._'

Kaoru wants something and Hikaru doesn't know what it is but he can't let him have it. Kaoru waits for him to slip up, to make one mistake and outstretches his hand, fingers straining and reaching toward him. Hikaru flinches away and Kaoru smiles and laughs. No matter how hard Hikaru tries to hide, tries to get away Kaoru is always there, every time he closes his eyes, every time he turns his head.

Hikaru steals broken glass and razor blades, anything sharp enough to cut, hides them in a crack in the wall by his bed, inside his pillowcase, anywhere he can find. He stays awake for days until he passes out with his knees drawn up to his chin and his fingers curled around glass. He asks the woman for help, begs her until he's nearly in tears. He takes her by the hand and shows her but she doesn't see. She tells him to stop pretending, he's not living in the past anymore, it's all in his head.

He's taken to another country to live with foster parents. They have a large two-story house with white carpet and white furniture. They isolate themselves and have woods in their backyard surrounded by a high chain link fence. They don't believe him either and treat him as if he's some sort of novelty item. They tell him he's sick, very sick but that's okay because they're going to get him help. They're going to make him better.

Only nothing gets better. It only gets worse. They don't understand him and lose their patience when the psychologists and all the fancy treatments don't work. Like the woman at the orphanage, they tell him he needs to let go, move on, this is the start of a new life. Then they say he should be happy and he's lucky, so lucky because everyone in that place with the narrow slabs of wood and the beds that looked like crates was killed. He's the only one who made it out alive which means Kaoru died cut open and screaming for him on that metal table. Hikaru can't let go because Kaoru's the one that's hanging on.

He overhears his foster parents saying he should be committed. He's not entirely sure what that means but he knows he has to end it. Kaoru's not going to quit until he gets want he wants, until he drowns both of them. Hikaru has no one to turn to and he's terrified but he can't keep going like this. Even after everything, he's still fighting and this is one more test he has to pass.

Hikaru waits an hour after his foster parents have gone to bed to slip from his room and walk down the darkened hallway, it's easy to be quite and he feels as if his feet melt into the plush carpet. He grips a knife with a thick blade that's twice as long as his hand and that his foster father uses to cut through weeds in the front yard.

He makes his way downstairs, looks through a crack in the door of the bathroom. Kaoru sits on the counter, swinging his legs back and forth. Hikaru slowly makes the door creak open, forces himself into the room, holding the knife in front of him. "What do you want?"

Kaoru looks directly at him, a small smile forming on his lips. "The same thing you want. I want to live."

They were always able to understand each other with a touch, a gesture. They could finish each other's sentences. Sometimes Hikaru could even tell what his twin was thinking. Their parents used to joke that they shared some sort of mental link. He thinks about the man and the others, as they stared down at them in wonder. _There's so much we can learn about twins. They're the secret to genetics. Medical mysteries._

"They said," Kaoru adds as if echoing his thoughts "We're identical like mirrors of each other. A gateway to another world."

Maybe it's because there's still some part of Kaoru left but Hikaru finally understands what he means, what all of this has been about. His eyes widen and he steps backwards, shakes his head.

Kaoru curls his hands around the edge of the counter. "I thought you were my twin. You said you'd protect me but you didn't. You let me die."

"No! It wasn't my fault!"

"You only want to save yourself," Kaoru continues. "It's what you're trying to do right now. If you really were my twin you'd die for me."

Hikaru would have done anything to protect him but if a choice came down between the two of them…

He remembers there were so many times when he wished for death, when he blacked out and hoped he wouldn't wake up again. He wanted the man to make it end. He didn't care how, just make it stop, for both of them make it stop, he can't go through it again he can't, he can't. Anything's better, anything, anything. Just not again, not again, not again!

When Hikaru thinks back on it to long he feels like he's falling into an endless black void with no way back. His breath quickens and panic wells up in his chest. But he survived, he's alive, alive right now in this moment and he fought so hard. Even if he never sees Kaoru again he wants to live, he wants to live so bad.

"You're not Kaoru! Kaoru wouldn't do this!"

Kaoru just shrugs. "Remember when Mommy and Daddy were still alive and we used to play games all the time?"

Hikaru nods, not trusting himself to speak. He's trembling despite his best efforts not to, can't hold the knife steady.

"Let's play one now and we'll find out who's the better twin."

"W-what game?"

"Hide and seek."

There's a loud snore from upstairs, which causes Kaoru to glance up. "But only between us."

"Between us," Hikaru agrees, forcing his voice to even out. "This needs to end. I'm not going to be afraid of you anymore."

Kaoru looks doubtful. "Alright Hikaru, you want it to end? Lets end it but only if you win the game."

Hikaru takes in a breath that sounds like a sob. His hands feel sweaty and he tightens his hold against the handle, the bottom edge of the blade, pressing into his fingertips. "Okay."

Kaoru grins, placing his hands over maggot infested eye sockets. "1...2...3..."

Hikaru turns and runs for the backyard. The night is hot and leaves crunch underneath his bare feet as he reaches the edge of the woods. Maybe if he can make it past the fence… Something shifts from behind him and he can't think anymore he can just run and he's either going to make it out of this dead or alive.

Hikaru can hear wind shifting through the trees, the steady hum of crickets, and the wing beats of an owl as it settles onto a branch. It feels like everything is watching him. He glances back, can see Kaoru out of the corner of his eye.

Hikaru ducks down behind a wide tree trunk. He's gasping for air and clamps his hands over his nose and mouth, his whole body twitching involuntarily and he can feel his heartbeat pulsing inside his chest. It's too loud like sheets of rain pummeling against the ground.

There's the sound of leaves rustling as Kaoru steps lightly. Hikaru's afraid to move, afraid to breathe. He can't swallow. Saliva pools in his mouth, runs down the corners of his mouth. He fears any sound will pinpoint Kaoru to his location like a flashing alarm.

Kaoru's steps grow closer, one right after the other.

Hikaru makes himself as small as he can, his head pressing up against the rough bark. He tries to focus. If he's going to win the game he can't panic but he's never been back this far before and there's so much darkness and so many trees.

"Hikaru…" Kaoru calls.

Hikaru nearly jolts upward before he realizes the voice is coming from the back and to the left. There's a pause in the footsteps and Hikaru shifts so he can look out from the side of the trunk. He blinks, trying to force his eyes to adjust to the darkness. Kaoru's standing still, scanning the trees. "I could kill them you know, everyone that hurt us, one by one."

It feels like an eternity before Kaoru starts moving again. He's close, so close, and Hikaru just needs to stay still, keep quite.

"Come out, come out wherever you are." Kaoru sing songs.

It sounds so much like Kaoru that for a moment Hikaru has to remind himself that this isn't the twin who he ate popsicles with on the front steps of their house, who crawled into his bed each night, who he had water gun fights with, and counted the stars with.

This isn't Kaoru who helped him play endless tricks but was still calm and quite when he was agitated and loud. This isn't Kaoru who had stopped speaking altogether when their parents were taken away, but always held his hand and curled up next to him.

This isn't Kaoru who cried with him, was starved with, was hellishly tortured with him, who died cut open and screaming his name.

This isn't Kaoru and no matter what the man or anyone else might have thought their separate identities.

This isn't Kaoru because Kaoru would never hurt him, never torment him. Kaoru would never make him choose.

Kaoru _the thing _walks past him. It's almost as if Hikaru's body moves on its own as he throws himself at Kaoru _the thing, _making both of them fall heavily onto the ground. Kaoru _the thing _grunts in surprise and the knife falls away. Hikaru scrambles to find it. The darkness doesn't matter anymore, Hikaru can see, can see everything like it's all glowing in blue. His hand closes around the handle that's buried in the leaves, there's a moment where they both struggle, and then Hikaru's above Kaoru _the thing, _itshands around his wrists.

Hikaru's not a little kid anymore and he's going to survive, he's going to win the game. He glares down at Kaoru _the thing _in pure loathing. His eyes glint in the dull moonlight, liquid rage vibrates off him.

_Hikaru can see his mother, blood pouring down her face from a gash on her forehead, her face stained with tears, his father already unconscious. "No not my babies. I'll do anything just not them. Hikaru! Kaoru!"_

"Hika-" Kaoru _the thing _is cut off when Hikaru forces the blade into the hollow of its throat. It's like cutting through ash.

_Everyone slowly dies around him sick and starving._

_There's the smell… and he doesn't think he'll make it out alive but he's has to keep trying, has to be strong for Kaoru._

Again! Again! Something wet and cool splatters against his cheek.

_Then there's the man, the man with the blue eyes who takes him to a place where only sharp metal tools exist and where everything is torture and it doesn't matter how much he screams. And maybe… maybe the man did save him in some sort of sick and twisted way._

Again! Again! For once in Hikaru's short and screwed up life, he's in control. It feels so good and he's loving it, loving it, loving it! He thinks he might even be laughing but it's hard to tell.

_Then Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru. He has to make it to Kaoru, forces himself to his twin's table, peers over and Hikaru can't remember what happened next. But when the world comes back he just knows he's no longer in the room and for the first time Kaoru's not with him. _

_Kaoru they…_

_Dissected._

_Him._

_Alive._

Again! Again! Again! Again! Again!

The knife strikes against dirt.

Hikaru shakily steps back, smiling. He's sticky and wet and breathing hard. The high slowly fades and he looks down at Kaoru _the thing's _severed head. Hikaru's stomach lurches and he gags, falling to his hands and knees and vomiting.

He crawls away, pulls his knees up to his chest and rocks himself until the darkness of the night fades into early morning. His foster mother finds him soon afterwards. She takes one look at him and screams. He never does find out what she sees.

/

Hikaru is passed from foster home to foster home, so many he stops trying to keep track. One eventually tells him he's going to stay and not to worry he's home now. He doesn't see Kaoru anymore, stops waking up screaming, stops rocking himself. He has to sleep with a light on and it's hard for him to be alone but he's gotten to the point where he can tolerate it without breaking down. Things aren't great but they're getting better. He's even friends with that little girl in the third grade. She doesn't believe him when he tells her he can count to over one hundred thousand so he accidentally spills grape juice on her favorite dress.

He's sitting on his bed after his new parents have gone to bed. He's not supposed to be awake but he wants to try out his new puzzle book. That's when something wraps around his neck, yanks him backwards. His head collides with the headboard, momentarily making his vision blur. He's nearly chocking with the effort to breathe and he lifts his hands to claw at his neck but he can't feel anything, can't see anything. It's as if there's nothing else in the room. He tries to call for help but he can't make his voice work. He freezes in panic, his eyes widening when he hears Kaoru _the thing's _voice in his ear.

"You haven't won anything. It doesn't matter how much you run, how much you try to hide, how much you squirm. We're still playing the game and it's only a matter of time before I find you."

o0o

Hikaru jerks awake, his throat feels raw and he's gasping for air. He feels something light brush across the back of his fingers. Glancing down, he sees it's the same type of insect from earlier. He grits his teeth, knocking it from his hand, grabbing his notebook, and crushing it. He's still breathing hard and it takes him a moment to realize he's still in the classroom and everything is silent.

Everyone is staring at him. The professor takes a step toward him hesitantly with a look of concern. "It's Hikaru right? It everything okay you were-"

"I-I'm fine," Hikaru replies quickly. His hands shake as he gathers his things. "I just… I need to get some air."

He runs for the door.

o0o

Hikaru doesn't know how long he's spent running around the track with music blasting from his earphones but when he gets back to the locker room he feels a bit sick to his stomach and he's dripping with sweat.

He holds his head underneath the cool spray of the shower, careful so he doesn't get his clothes too wet. The water drenches his hair and runs down his heated skin. Hikaru sighs in contentment, letting his forehead rest against the tiles.

_Matty's leaning over the crib, the jagged piece of mirror reflecting the infant's eyes. _

_Kaoru's standing in the doorway._

_He can nearly feel an equally terrified hand in his, a small voice calling out to him, screaming his name over and over again, begging him to make it stop stop stop..._

_He traces his reflection in the glass._

_The lines from his maze morph into letters._

_Kaoru wants to be born now._

"Damn it," Hikaru hits a fist against the side of the shower before turning the water off.

He wipes his hands over his face to keep his hair from sticking to his forehead and to keep the water out of his eyes. He makes his way to his locker, jerking it open, pulling out a clean shirt and peeling off his wet one. He pauses when he feels eyes at the back of his neck. "How long are you going to stand there Haruhi?"

If she's surprised he noticed her leaning against the doorway she doesn't sound like it. "Until you tell me what's wrong and don't try to tell me it's Tamaki," She pauses. "Again."

He pulls the new shirt over his head, glances back at her. "Nothing's wrong."

"You've been distant all day Hikaru and exactly how many times did you run around the track?"

"I don't know."

"Try twenty-six but then who's counting? Plus Tamaki told me what happened in class. He said he tried going after you but you had already left."

"Like I care what Tamaki does."

Haruhi makes a non-committal noise as she places her hands on either side of the doorway to look around the edge. "Are you the only one in here? If I come in I'm going to be blinded am I?"

Hikaru lets himself sink down onto a bench, motioning to her. "You're clear."

Haruhi is there in moments, sitting beside him. "So what's up?'

He turns his head away from her. "I'm just tired Haruhi."

She places her hand on top of his and leans slightly forward, trying to get a better look at his face. "That's not the only thing is it?"

Hikaru keeps his eyes adverted since he knows if he looks at her he'll tell her everything and saying what's been going on would just sound deranged. He's not even sure if there is anything going on or if he can even explain it. But Haruhi isn't fazed by much and it would be nice to talk to someone. He's been alone for so long and he's still not completely used to this relationship thing and he doubts Haruhi is either. Maybe that's why they work so well together since they're both so independent. "I think I'm still kind of freaked out from last night. The kid said something and I can't stop thinking about it and ever since then it's like I've been seeing things, hearing things…"

"What did he say?" She asks softly.

"It's stupid." Hikaru feels like laughing in frustration, pretend these last two days never happened. "It doesn't mean anything."

"Yet it's obviously bothering you."

He takes a breath. "He said Kaoru's standing in the doorway."

"Kaoru?" Haruhi says the name carefully as if she's trying to work something out in her mind but then she just slumps her shoulders and sighs.

"See, I told you it was stupid."

"Hikaru don't you think you might be reading to much into this? Kids say strange things all the time and you could be imagining something that's not there."

Hikaru turns to look at her. "I know that but you didn't see him Haruhi, there was just something off about the whole thing and I've been having these strange dreams. I told you remember? Last night."

Haruhi doesn't say anything but she frowns as if she's just realized something. She leans closer, lifting her free hand and threading it through his hair, pushing it back from where it's fallen into his left eye. "Hikaru…"

She lets her hand drop until it's resting against his cheek. She has that look of intense concentration that she gets when she's studying right before a test. "Hikaru," She says again, slowly. "There's something wrong with your eye."

Hikaru feels dread tear into his stomach. "What is it?"

"I-I'm not sure. It's kind of hard to describe." Haruhi glances at a large rectangular mirror that's to their left. "You should probably look for yourself."

Hikaru pulls away from her and heads toward the mirror. He leans down slightly, moving his head close to the glass and studying his reflection, distantly aware that Haruhi is standing right behind him. He traces a finger against the bottom of his eye and even then it takes him awhile to see what Haruhi was talking about.

But then he sees and he nearly gasps, freezes in shock. His left iris is inflamed and instead of the usual golden color it's a few shades darker.

o0o

AN: This chapter was really hard for me to write and I still don't think it's up to par with my first chapter. Anyway I think I've just written the first ever fic where Hikaru and Kaoru try to kill each other, well kind of anyway. Let me know if I pulled it off.

Next chapter Hikaru finds out where the hell Kaoru is. Thanks for reading guys! And thanks to Sphixy-chan, atomiclint, The Infamous Caichie, Anonymous, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, Sunshine, and amphigory for reviewing. You guys rock!


	3. Chapter 3

Just a note guys I changed Hikaru's and Kaoru's ages in the dream sequence from six to eight. I just think it's more realistic that way.

Chapter 3

Hikaru resists the urge to shift uncomfortably in the leather seat and he probably would have if Haruhi didn't have her hand on his shoulder.

The eye doctor is short with beady eyes and a balding head. He shines a penlight into his left eye, making it contract. "It's called heterochromia, meaning one iris is a different color then the other. Usually it's congenital."

He puts the penlight away and sits back. "Sometimes it occurs after a blunt trauma, on very rare occasions it may be indicative of a malignant melanoma of the iris. In order to rule that out I'll just need to take a few digital pictures."

Hikaru nods. "Yeah, sure."

The man reaches for a sealed plastic bag and takes out what looks like a small metal clamp. "I'm going to go ahead and insert a speculum in order to keep your eyelids open."

Hikaru inwardly winces and he feels Haruhi's fingers shift. He absently reaches up to take her hand. "You're putting that thing in my eye?"

"Just relax and you'll be fine."

The man moves closer and Hikaru feels a sudden surge of panic. He can't help thinking he's been in a position similar to this, with bright lights, his head wrenched backwards, straps holding him down, a needle poised over his face. _Please no…No! No! No!_

He violently recoils.

"Hikaru?" Haruhi questions.

"I know this can be unnerving." The doctor says. "But I assure you it's completely painless."

"Right, I know." Hikaru straightens himself, feeling somewhat self-conscious but he smiles shakily, trying to pass it off. "It's just I had this strangest feeling of déjà vu."

The eye doctor doesn't say anything but he looks curious and Hikaru can nearly feel him share a quick glance with Haruhi over his head. "Should we try again?"

"Go for it."

This time he doesn't flinch away but having his eye completely open feels restrictive and strange. He tries not to fidget again and he feels Haruhi's hold tighten on his hand.

"Alright, you're doing great." The doctor moves a piece of equipment over. "Go ahead and rest your chin right here." Hikaru leans forward until he can feel the plastic strip against his forehead.

The doctor crouches behind the camera. "And keep your head very still while we take a few pictures alright?"

"Okay."

There's a pale blue light, directed in the center of his eye and the sound of buzzing.

"Good," The doctor choruses, taking another picture. "Just hang on a little bit longer… good."

o0o

Cars and people are everywhere when he and Haruhi leave the eye doctors' and walk down the sidewalk.

"How's your eye?" Haruhi asks, their fingers loosely intertwined.

Hikaru unconsciously adjusts the cheap pair of sunglasses they gave him. "It's fine."

"The light's not bothering you?"

"It stings a little, probably from all the eye drops."

"That should wear off soon." Haruhi says thoughtfully "But I have to admit," She grins. "You really pull off the sunglasses look."

Hikaru laughs. "I don't know about me but you on the other hand…" He takes the sunglasses off, holding them directly in front of her face. "Would look hot."

Haruhi bats his arm away in slight annoyance. "You're supposed to keep them on Hikaru."

"C'mon they're just sunglasses."

"Actually," Haruhi tilts her head slightly, tapping the side of her chin. "Maybe I could use a pair for when I'm driving. I could probably pick one up at-"

Knowing she's about to get lost in her own thoughts, Hikaru pulls her closer until her shoulder brushes against his. "Haruhi?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for coming."

She blinks, looking surprised. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I know sometimes I can be incredibly hard to put up with."

"Well if you weren't," She says as if she's stating the most obvious thing in the world. "Then you wouldn't be Hikaru."

Hikaru smiles and they pass what looks like a group of people drumming on plastic buckets. He barely notices Haruhi's hand leave his as she turns to watch. He catches what looks like a distorted image and takes a step forward, glancing across the street. There's a small kid that has his hair and his eyes. His face is pale and his head hangs awkwardly to the side as if his neck is broken. For a moment Hikaru can't breathe, it's the boy, the boy from his dreams. Their eyes connect and nothing else seems to exist, the cars move past in slow motion, leaving multi colored streaks and there's no sound just a low vibration of jumbled voices.

"Hikaru?"

He blinks and the boy is gone, everything comes rushing back.

"Hikaru?" Haruhi has one hand on his wrist and the other on his shoulder, looking at him in a mixture of confusion and concern. "Are you okay? You spaced out for a minute."

"Yeah, I'm fine." He says distantly, turning his head back to where the boy was. "It's just I thought I saw…"

Haruhi follows his gaze. "Saw what?"

"Nothing," It's as if he's suddenly been left out in the open, anxiety coils in his stomach and his heart throbs. He starts forward again, quickening his pace, giving Haruhi no choice but to follow him. "Lets just go."

o0o

Hikaru can still remember his mother even if he was only five when she died. Sometimes it's vague with only flashes and images that have blended together over the years but the last time he saw her stands out clearly in his mind to the point where he can nearly replay every second of it.

He's standing in a long white hallway, holding his father's hand, feeling so small as they walk to his mother's room. A nurse passes by them, smiling down at him when she recognizes them but he looks away. He's always hated going to the hospital. It smells funny, the patients look at him strange, and they don't make much sense when they talk.

His father knows he hates it but he still makes him come sometimes, telling him it's important he sees his mother only if it's for a few minutes. Hikaru doesn't see what's so important, she's become a stranger to him and she doesn't even recognize him half the time anymore.

His father, trying to distract him had told him to make her a card.

So Hikaru spent nearly the whole night making her one. It's made out of green construction paper with rocket ship stickers and swirls of magic marker and reads 'I love you Mommy. Please get well soon' which his father helped him to write.

They near her room and Hikaru tugs on his father's hand, who knowingly hands him the card. He grips it in a tight fist, somewhat crushing it as he reaches up for the doorknob. He actually feels a rush of excitement about being here. He wants to show her the card. He worked so hard on it and he just hopes she'll like it.

The room is nearly all gray, there's a bed, a dresser, and a couple of chairs. The flowers they gave her from two weeks ago are still there, dried and shriveled up. He remembers when she was lucid, when her room used to be brighter. She'd drape fabric of all different colors over the bed and chairs and decorate the walls with photographs and her own drawings. She was skilled at putting things together and at drawing. She'd often draw him whatever he wanted and he'd leave the hospital with pages of racecars and dinosaurs.

Sometimes his father would even check her out of the hospital for a couple of hours and they would go to the park. She'd push him on the merry-go-round and tell him he was the best thing that ever happened to her. Her eyes would sparkle, the sun would catch in her hair, and she'd laugh. She looked so alive.

Everything's changed. Over the past year her condition has deteriorated and it's as if she just doesn't care anymore. Her drawings and photos have all peeled off the walls, everything's been taken down.

She sits in a chair facing a large single window.

"Mommy!" He shouts and runs to her side, holding the card out and in front of her face. "Look what I made for you!"

She continues to stare blankly. Her eyes are glazed over and her lips are slightly parted. She's so pale and her face is sunken. Her long copper hair hangs in strings.

"Mommy!" He shakes her arm harder. "Don't you like it?"

She makes a noise low in her throat and moves her arm away from him. Hikaru blinks back tears. No matter how bad things were, she'd always respond to him even if it was just a smile.

"Hikaru," His father takes his shoulder, making him take a few steps back. He kneels, cups her face in his hands. "Yuzuha honey, Hikaru's here don't you want to say hi?"

She doesn't resist as he moves her. She's like a rag doll.

His father lets his hands fall to her shoulders. "Yuzuha," There's a desperate edge in his voice "Come on, please don't do this."

He takes a deep breath, sparing him a glance. "Hikaru, why don't you put the card on the dresser?"

Hikaru's happy for something to do and quickly runs over to it, arranging the card so it's right in the middle with the vase behind it. He hops onto the bed, letting his legs dangle off the edge, watching as his father continues trying to get Yuzuha's attention.

He soon gives up and heads to the door, Hikaru moves to follow but he holds out a hand. "Stay here for a minute. I'm going to find a doctor."

Hikaru doesn't want to be left alone with her but before he can protest his father is already gone. He can't tear his eyes away from her as he stares at the back of her head. He feels a chill run up his spine. He clenches his teeth and twists his hands in the white sheet. She seems so alone, so hopeless. Something's wrong, deadly wrong and Hikaru's afraid. It's almost as if there's another presence in the room. His heart leaps into his throat and he breathes roughly through his nose, half expecting something to reach out for him. He wants to leave, wants to run, wants to call out for his father but he can't move, can't unclench his jaw

Everything's normal again when he hears footsteps echo in the hallway as his father returns shortly with a doctor. They talk for what feels like an eternity and Hikaru glances downward, swinging his legs until the doctor leaves. His father looks completely run down as he goes back over to Yuzuha, pushes a stray piece of hair behind her ear and leans down to kiss her cheek. "We're going to leave now honey. I'll see you in a few days."

His father comes back over to him, kneeling in front of him so they're eye level. "Hikaru, hey what's wrong?"

Hikaru hadn't even been aware he was crying but tears are running down his cheeks and he wipes them away with the back of his arm. "Mommy didn't like the card."

"Of course she likes it." His father turns his head just enough until he's looking in the general direction of the dresser. "Look at how much color it adds to the room and you know how much she loves color. Mommy might not be able to say she likes it but it's a very nice card and I'm sure she loves it."

Hikaru sniffs. "Really?"

His father turns back to him, reaches up a hand wiping away the remaining tears. "Really, and whenever she gets lonely all she has to do is look over at it and she'll think of you." He smiles but Hikaru can tells it's somewhat forced. "You ready to get out of here?"

Hikaru nods.

His father's hand leaves his cheek to brush his hair back. "Lets say we do something crazy tonight."

"Crazy?"

"Yeah, we'll say up all night, watch cartoons, and have ice cream for dinner."

Hikaru feels a small smile tugging at his lips. "Can I have chocolate with gummy worms?"

"Sure, anything you want. Just go say goodbye to Mommy."

Hikaru looks at her over his father's shoulder and the cold feeling of dread comes back. He shakes his head.

His father doesn't seem surprised. "No?"

"I-I don't want too."

"Okay," His father breathes, lifting him off the bed, and taking his hand. He seems somewhat stiff and Hikaru wonders if maybe he can feel the same cold feeling. "Right, lets just get out of here."

Hikaru can't help but to look back. Yuzuha has hunched over slightly her fingers tightly pressing into the arm rests. It's as if she asking for someone to help her, begging for some to see, not to leave her alone but Hikaru soon loses sight of her and it flees his mind.

It's early the next morning when his father gets a phone call from the hospital. Hikaru watches silently through a crack in the door with large golden eyes. His father's hands shake as he hangs up the phone and he stares in shock for a few minutes before he collapses to his knees and starts to sob.

"_Hikaru, there's something I need to tell you about Mommy."_

Hikaru doesn't know why he's thinking about this when he's lying in bed at nearly four in the morning but when he tilts his head to the side he sees one of his mother's surviving pictures tacked up on his wall. It had been his favorite, a dragon surrounded by a starry background. It's marked on from when he tired to color in the stars and the edges are worn and curl inward. There's a sudden tightness in his throat and he gets up heading to the bathroom, realizing he's probably not going to get any sleep tonight either.

He fills a cup with water and drains about half of it before he catches his reflection. He automatically lifts a hand, tracing his eye. It's really not that bad only a slight discoloration, on the verge of being tan that only takes up about half of his iris. But now that he knows what to look for it's just strange. The feeling from only a few nights ago comes back, as if he's seeing someone else.

Hikaru skims the mirror with his fingertips. He'd always been drawn to his own reflection, although he has no idea why. He thinks it may have something to do with the piece he's missing of himself.

His image morphs until he's staring at a pale face splattered with dried blood and hollowed out eyes swarming with maggots.

A scream dies in his throat as he jumps back, spins around. There's nothing there. He forces himself to look back at the mirror. The image is gone. It takes a couple of minutes until his heart stops pounding, until he gets his breathing under control.

He swallows but his jaw tightens as he narrows his eyes. "All right have it your way." He reaches up for the mirror, unscrewing it, and putting it face down in his closet, before shutting the door.

o0o

An hour later Hikaru decides to get out of the house. The sun hasn't risen fully and the air is chilly, stinging his lungs but it feels good. He goes for his routine run, which takes him through the block, across a wide bridge, and back through the block again. It something he's always done when he wants to get his mind off things, doesn't want to think.

When he rounds the corner back to his house he sees flashing sirens. An ambulance and a few police cars are grouped together outside his neighbor's house. His mouth goes dry, feeling a surge of anxiety as he runs over. He spots an older woman that he recognizes from a few houses down. Her hand tightly grips her fat basset hound's leash, the dog stretched out at her feet. "What happened?"

"It's terrible," Her voice is strained. "Their little girl stopped breathing in the middle of the night by the time they found her there was nothing they could do."

The front door opens as paramedics wheel out a stretcher. His neighbor is gripping the edge, her husband right behind her. They make it down onto the street. One of the paramedics tells her something as they try to pry the stretcher from her grip. She grips tighter. "No! Don't take her away!"

Her husband holds her back but she doesn't look like she's able to put up much of a fight. Her legs give out she falls onto the concrete. Her husband follows her and they cling to each other, her fingers pressing into his shoulders. "She can't be dead! She can't be dead!"

Hikaru's momentarily in shock, can't wrap his mind around it. He'd seen the baby just recently. A few days ago she was still alive and then Hikaru notices Matty at the doorway, he's probably the only one that does. The kid's watching silently, his face expressionless and he seems disturbingly detached. He's still in his pajamas as he comes to sit on the front steps, a toy airplane in his hands. What Tamaki had said repeats in his mind, something to do with mirrors, reflections, and infants.

Hikaru carefully makes his way over to Matty, staring down at him. "Hey."

Matty doesn't even acknowledge him, looking down at his feet and turning his airplane over in his hands.

He's only four and Hikaru wonders if he even understands what's going on but then he had understood when he was five if somewhat vaguely. "I'm sorry about your sister."

Matty shrugs.

Hikaru sits down beside him, arms on top of his knees. "Do you remember when I babysat for you a little while ago?"

"Yes."

"You told me Kaoru's standing in the doorway. What did you mean?"

Matty is silent to the point that Hikaru doesn't think he'll answer, then he lifts his airplane, waving it through the air, humming and making zooming noises, stilling the plane right in front of Hikaru's face. "I didn't say that."

"Yes you did. You were in your sister's room remember?"

Matty looks away from him, moving the plane again, as if he's grown board of the conversation and is trying to retreat into himself. Hikaru grabs his wrist, feeling his frustration build. The plane falls from Matty's fingers. "What did you mean?"

Matty tries to tug his arm away. "I don't know! It wasn't me!"

Hikaru instantly lets him go, realizing he's about to get in a fight with a kid. Also the last thing he wants is for someone to catch him over here right now. "Fine," He replies, standing up to walk away.

He only makes it a few steps when he hears Matty at his back, his voice a low whisper. "Some people are doorways."

Hikaru barely catches it but turns back to look at him and his chest seems to constrict. "Doorways?"

Matty nods, lifting a hand and placing it over his eye, peering through his fingers. "Like a mirror," He moves his hand so it's positioned right over his nose. "Kaoru wants to be born now. That's what it said."

Hikaru doesn't ask what 'it' means. He wants to snap at the kid for playing around but he doesn't even look back just wanting to get away from him.

o0o

It feels like he's been waiting forever, surrounded by eye charts, in the same examination room, and in the same leather chair when the eye doctor finally comes in. He has a stack of papers and doesn't even look up at him, as he takes a seat. "Well we've gotten your lab results back and it looks like everything checks out." The eye doctor flips a page. "But there was one oddity…" He trails off, lowering his voice as if he's carefully choosing his next words. "Are you a twin by any chance?"

Hikaru doesn't know how to respond and all he thinks is that he couldn't have heard right. "What?"

"Are you a twin?" The eye doctor repeats.

"No, I'm an only child."

The doctor finally looks up at him. "Can you be completely certain of that? Maybe there's some medical history you don't know about?"

Hikaru can't believe the guy is still insisting and yet he feels the start of self doubt starting to form. "I think I'd know if I had a clone walking around."

"Right, well that's interesting." The eye doctor drawls, ignoring Hikaru's choice of wording. "Have you ever heard the term Genetic Mosaicism?"

Hikaru shakes his head.

"Sometimes when you're dealing with identical twins the placentas can become fused and a certain amount of blood will be exchanged back and forth. The emerging pigmentation in your infected iris is more than likely the result of those foreign genetic strands "

Hikaru stares, paralyzed. It's as if something has just sliced through his vocal cords.

The eye doctor puts the papers to the side and folds his hands on top of his knees. "It's extremely rare but not altogether unheard of. Now I don't think it's anything you have to worry about but I would recommend seeing a genetic consoler just to be on the safe side."

o0o

The building where his father works is fancy with marble floors, plants, and glass elevators. When Hikaru makes it to the top floor his father is with a small group of people in a typical meeting room. He waits outside while a secretary points out he's there. His father excuses himself and Hikaru taps his fingers against his leg, shifts his weight from foot to foot, finding it impossible to keep still.

"Hikaru, what are you doing here?" His father looks genuinely startled to see him.

"Test results."

His father runs a hand through his thinning hair, looking half uneasy and half apologetic. "That was today?"

Hikaru crosses his arms and narrows his eyes.

His father misunderstands the gesture, pressing his lips into a thin worried line. "Is everything okay?"

"It's fine." Hikaru can't quite keep the venom out of his voice as he watches his father's face for the slightest reaction. He can hardly believe what he's about to accuse him of. "They said it's caused by blood transfusion between identical twins."

His father's eyes widen.

"Is there something you want to tell me Dad?"

His father curses under his breath and lifts his hands to rub at the bridge of his nose.

It's all Hikaru needs. He feels overwhelmed, betrayed, and he lets his arms drop, fisting his hands. "Why didn't you tell me?!" He doesn't even realize he's shouting. "I had a right to know!"

"Hikaru…"

"You didn't think it was important to say 'Oh by the way Hikaru… _you're a twin'_?"

The people from the meeting room turn their heads to stare, start to whisper. His father holds up a hand as if in surrender. "Keep your voice down."

Hikaru doesn't hear him as he starts to pace back and forth. His head spins. He has a brother, he has twin, and in nineteen years his father had never told him. If this thing hadn't happened with his eye he might not have ever known. He doesn't know if he's relived he found out or not but it makes a twisted kind of sense and maybe he wonders if he's always known, it goes with the piece he's missing of himself and the empty feeling he has whenever he catches his own reflection. But he can't understand why his father would do something like this, something's not adding up. "Where is he?"

"Hikaru stop you're jumping to conclusions."

"Tell me where he is!"

"Hikaru!" His father snaps and Hikaru stares in shock, he can't remember the last time his father raised his voice. He feels a hand take his arm as he's led into an empty office and the door is closed.

Hikaru jerks away, begins to pace again.

"Calm down." He can feel his father's eyes on him but his voice is back to the same soft tone. "It's not what you're thinking."

"Then explain it Dad."

"Hikaru," He says slowly. "He died in utero, nearly three months before your mother was even due."

Hikaru pauses because now he understands, now it all makes sense. He had a brother, his brother's dead, never even really existed. The anger, all the rushing emotions drain away and he lets his back hit the wall, sinks into an empty chair. "How?" He whispers.

His father takes a shaky breath, looking even more reluctant to answer. "Hikaru it was along time ago."

"How Dad?" He repeats. "I need to know."

His father nods, looking to just give up, his shoulders shake as if he's still trying to come to terms with it himself. "It was a freak thing really. One of the umbilical cords became twisted around his throat."

"My cord?" It's out before he can even think and he's afraid of the answer.

His father's eyes flicker away from him for a moment. "Yeah."

"So what are you saying? I killed my twin brother."

"Of course not." His father replies in disbelief. "Hikaru he wasn't even your twin. It was still too early in the pregnancy for that and the hard truth of it is some people are ready to survive in this world and others aren't."

"Like my brother."

"Hikaru…"

"Is that why Mom committed suicide?"

"No. Is that what you think?" His father takes another chair beside him, rests his hands on his shoulders. "Hikaru, your mother was very sick for a very long time. You know that. And you or your…" He trails off as if he doesn't know how to finish. "Brother didn't have anything to do with it."

Hikaru doesn't say anything, he's not even sure if he wants to at this point. His father just continues. "I should have told you. You're right and I'm sorry. Its just with everything that was happening with your mother and then this on top of it. The time never seemed right and-"

"Did he have a name?"

"What?"

"Did my twin brother have a name?"

"Well, we still weren't completely definite yet but Yuzuha did seem to have her mind set on something."

"What was it?"

His father gives him a small smile as if he's lost in some distant memory. "Kaoru."

o0o

AN: Like you didn't see that coming.

So as far as I know Genetic Mosaicism does only occur with identical twins, which was something the movie got wrong or probably just didn't care about. I was trying to research it but I didn't really find much on it. So if anyone knows anything feel free to correct me.

It might be a little bit before I can get the next chapter up since as I have all this homework due. So it could be a week before I can even start on the next chapter but I will get it up. Out of all the stories I've started this is probably the only one I can see myself finishing.

Also Haruhi seems like a background character right now but that will change. Kyoya and Mori are probably going to show up next chapter too. Hani I'm probably going to leave out altogether since I really can't see him being in this.

As far as Hikaru and Kaoru trying to kill each other; well I don't want to give anything away but remember it's a dream sequence and dreams are often misleading. Just not to confuse anyone the part with Hikaru when he was five going to see Yuzuha in the hospital did really happen. I felt bad when I was writing it but insane Yuzuha is fun even if she didn't say anything.

And now I'm going to quit since I'm sure you're tired of reading this. Thanks so much for the reviews and Happy Halloween!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"So how are my favorite commoners?" Tamaki asks as he wedges his way between Hikaru and Haruhi outside of campus, throwing an arm over both of their shoulders.

Hikaru stumbles and nearly cringes but Haruhi just tenses, not showing any other reaction. Hikaru wonders how often she's had to put up with this and he takes the blond's wrist trying to pry his arm off. "Stop calling me that. I'm not a commoner."

"Hikaru's not a commoner." Haruhi agrees. "Anyone who pays full out for college and gets a forty grand car for their birthday cannot be a commoner."

"Hey," Hikaru protests, dropping Tamaki's wrist. "I was surprised by the car too."

Tamaki laughs, pulling them closer.

Hikaru gives him a sideways glance. "Did you want something?"

"Well I know Hikaru's been feeling a bit stressed lately. But really who wouldn't finding out you have a dead twin?"

"Do you want to smack him or should I?" Haruhi asks dryly.

"I can think of better things." Hikaru catches Haruhi's gaze. He's remembers once when his father's friend came over for dinner with his wife. They had this weird eye thing where they could exchange words with a glance. The closest thing Hikaru ever had to a bond like that was with Haruhi. He jerks his head back hoping she'll catch on but she stares at him blankly before frowning and shaking her head. Hikaru turns away grudgingly.

Tamaki glances nervously between the two of them, on the verge of cowering. "You wouldn't do that right?"

"No Tamaki." Haruhi replies.

"Good," Tamaki brightens. "Because as I was saying who wouldn't feel down? And then your mother committed suicide in an insane asylum..."

This is far from the first time someone's brought up his mother, mainly the kids from elementary school trying to get a rise out of him. But Tamaki says it in such a good-natured way that's still somehow mixed with worry that it makes Hikaru feel like laughing. He grins as he looks to Haruhi again. She shrugs and they both quickly jerk back, making Tamaki lose his balance and fall into a tangled heap on the sidewalk.

Hikaru rests an elbow on Haruhi's shoulder not bothering to contain his laughter. "You should watch where you're going Tamaki. You might trip."

Tamaki sits up, rubbing the back of his head. "You two are so mean."

"Are you okay?" Haruhi steps forward, smiling and offering him a hand. "You have to admit you walked right into that one."

"Hikaru's a bad influence on you." Tamaki takes her hand, letting her help pull him to his feet, his fingers lingering against her skin a few seconds longer than needed. "I only meant that it might be good to unwind, do something fun."

Hikaru knows Tamaki wouldn't bring this up unless he has something planned. He frowns slightly. "What did you have in mind?"

Tamaki's eyes widen with excitement at actually being asked to explain. "Kyoya's older sister Fuyumi is coming down to visit with her husband Shido. They're having a third anniversary party."

"Why would I want to go to an anniversary party?" Hikaru rolls his eyes. "Sounds boring."

"Don't worry. It's completely casual and they rented out the whole hotel. They're even having a band."

"You mean they rented out a whole room." Haruhi corrects.

"No," Tamaki blinks. "The hotel."

Haruhi twitches, muttering something that Hikaru can't catch and he smiles over at her. "Did you want to go?"

"I don't know… I have that paper to write."

"C'mon Haruuuuhiii," Tamaki clasps his hands together looking somewhat pathetic. "It's just one night and it'll help out Hikaru."

"Will Kyoya be there?"

Tamaki nods vigorously. "Yeah! The whole gang."

"That would be nice actually. I haven't seen them in awhile." Haruhi shrugs, looking to Hikaru. "Did you want to go?"

Tamaki does have a point, it would be nice to get his mind off things for a while. When he thinks about Kaoru there's a deep surge of regret and he can't help thinking he killed Kaoru, he killed his twin.

He's caught himself wondering what could have been, if his mother hadn't gone insane, if he and Kaoru had grown up together. He wonders what having a brother would have been like, what Kaoru would have been like, if he would have been the same as him or different. He thinks they could have made a good team. Then at the same time all of its only speculation and Hikaru feels completely removed from the whole thing, distant, and numb. This is the only life he's ever had and in spite of everything he doesn't think it's turned out too bad. One glance at Haruhi confirms that. "I don't have anything better to do."

o0o

Tamaki wasn't kidding when he said they'd rented the whole hotel. The thing is huge and looks typically expensive. There are chandeliers, everything is white, and looks breakable. But then as the three of them make their way to the main party, there's a huge dance floor, strobe lights, shouting, and a rock band so loud it makes the walls vibrate. There's even a large pool in back and long tables of expensive food that Hikaru can't even begin to identify. He can't help thinking who does all of this for a third anniversary party much less has one. He's never met Fuyumi but he's beginning to think the girl has issues.

They stay close together, pushing their way through the crowd. Tamaki's eyes dart in all directions as he finally finds Kyoya, leaning against a table, a glass raised to his lips, and talking to an enthusiastic middle-aged woman.

Tamaki lifts his whole arm waving. "Hey, Kyoya over here!"

Kyoya either doesn't notice him or tires to ignore him but with the way he suddenly turns his head and walks off, Hikaru guesses it's the second option.

Tamaki lets his arm fall, frowning slightly. "I guess he didn't hear me."

"Tamaki!" A girl shouts from off to the side. She runs toward him, plowing into him, and makes him momentarily lose his footing. Her arms curl around his shoulders and Tamaki smiles, returning the hug.

She slowly steps back, her hands sliding to his forearms. "Wow, look at you! I can't believe how long it's been. Nearly two years right?"

Tamaki takes her hand in his, kissing the back. "And you're as beautiful as always."

She blushes. "You always say the sweetest things. Seriously though don't let Shido see you flirting with me." She grins and pokes him in the chest. "I don't think he could handle the competition."

So this has to be Fuyumi. Hikaru lets his eyes trace over her. He has to admit she's pretty and she's wearing a red dress made out of a stretchy material that clings to her every curve. She resembles Kyoya a little although that may be because her hair is pulled back, making her face look more angular than it probably is.

Tamaki tilts his head and Hikaru swears his eyes actually glitter. "Ah, I should be so lucky to compete for a fair princess such as you."

Fuyumi hits his arm playfully. "Enough already. So are you still coming over to see my brother?"

"Of course."

"Oh, that's good. Kyoya may not want to admit it but you've been a very good influence on him. He needs to learn to lighten up once in awhile."

Tamaki nods gesturing over to him and Haruhi. "Fuyumi, this is my friend Hikaru. And you remember Haruhi right?"

For a moment Fuyumi just stares and Hikaru notices that Haruhi suddenly tenses beside him, shifting her weight. She forces a smile, slowly lifting a hand. "Ahhh, hi Fuyumi."

Fuyumi instantly latches onto her. "Haruhi! You look so cute!"

"Ummm thanks?"

"Oh Haruhi," Fuyumi sighs. "I don't know why my brother didn't try harder with you. You could've been so great together." Fuyumi releases Haruhi only to let her eyes travel downward to Haruhi's white blouse and jeans. "You're not wearing a dress."

Haruhi toys with the edge of her sleeve. "I thought this was casual."

Fuyumi places a hand to her chin. "Well, it is but…"

And Hikaru decides to rescue her mostly because he's tired of being so thoroughly ignored. He moves slightly in front of Haruhi, thrusting a hand in front of Fuyumi's face. "Hi Fuyumi, nice to meet you. So do you go this far out for all your anniversary parties?"

Fuyumi doesn't take the proffered hand, her eyes narrowing in distaste as she glances between him and Haruhi. "That's right Tamaki's told me about you. So the two of you are…?"

Hikaru moves closer to Haruhi, wrapping an arm around her neck. "That's the basic idea."

Fuyumi completely disregards him as she takes Haruhi's wrist and jerks her forward. "Oh well, we can fix that. The dress I mean. I know I have another one lying around here someplace. Wait till Kyoya sees you in it. I know he'll love it!"

Haruhi laughs nervously, trying to pry herself from Fuyumi's grip. "That's really okay."

Fuyumi drags her forward. "And I have some clips that would look so nice in your hair."

"No wait, hang on. I didn't agree to this!"

They disappear behind a mass of people. Hikaru entertains the thought of going after her but doesn't since it's somewhat amusing and Haruhi's more than capable of taking care of herself. He lets his shoulders slump anyway. "Man, why does this always happen?"

Tamaki shoots him a sympathetic look. "I think it must be a Haruhi thing."

"I guess..."

Tamaki scans the crowd again, Kyoya's nowhere in sight. He shrugs. "Want to help me find Kyoya? We can stage a Haruhi rescue mission..."

There's more but Hikaru doesn't hear it. Everything seems to tilt, blur together. He turns away from Tamaki, blinking and rubbing at his eyes. It's almost as if he's back walking with Haruhi, right after they'd left the eye doctor's office. The music becomes static, voices blend together until they're one continuous hum. Everyone still moves around him but their movements slow and their faces distort.

It's as if he's the only one that exists. He's only aware of his own jagged breathing and his own heartbeat.

A clear shape manifests in front of him until he realizes he's looking at the same boy. He can't turn away and their eyes lock. He unconsciously takes a step forward but it's as if he's moving underwater. He wants answers, wants to shout 'What is it? What do you want?' His throat closes around the words and he's chocking, drowning. He fights for air but his lungs spasm. The boy watches him, slowly grinning. His teeth are rotten and black.

"Hikaru?" He distantly recognizes Tamaki's voice. It sounds far away, muffled.

"Hikaru!" There's a hand on his shoulder. The next thing Hikaru knows is that Tamaki's in front of him, looking concerned. "Are you alright?"

Hikaru's eyes refocus and he nods.

Tamaki takes a deep breath, visibly relaxing. "I kept trying to get your attention but you didn't answer. It was like you were in some type of trance."

Hikaru looks to where the boy had been standing. "Y-you didn't see it?"

Tamaki looks to the same spot, scrunching his eyes in confusion. "See what?"

Hikaru wonders what he must look like right now. He's disorientated, shaky, and his heart is still pounding. He doesn't want to seem off especially in front of Tamaki. "Nothing, I'm just feeling kind of dizzy. I think I'm going to get a drink and sit down for a few minutes."

Tamaki's hand tightens on his shoulder, the blond giving him a searching look, seeming unnaturally weary. "Are you sure? If you're not feeling well Haruhi or I could take you home."

Hikaru swallows down a surge of annoyance. He quickly moves away from Tamaki so he's out of reaching distance but forces a smile, trying to pass everything off. "No, I'm fine. Go find Kyoya if you want."

Hikaru walks away, not giving Tamaki a chance to reply.

o0o

Sitting down hadn't done any good and now he's in the bathroom. It's fancy with golden accents, long, and narrow. At least he has it to himself, it's away from the lights, and he can barely hear the music. He leans over the sink, every part of him throbs and he feels somewhat lightheaded. It's as if he's been growing more disorientated with each passing second. This isn't like him but he doesn't have any idea what's wrong. He's starting to scare himself.

A sharp pain runs through his head, he winces, presses his palm over his eye. Maybe he should just go home, let Haruhi know he's leaving. He doesn't want to ruin the party for her. She has such a close connection to her friends that he doesn't ever see himself being apart of. He's more than sure Tamaki will be willing to take her back and he'll say he needs to work on homework or something. Homework, like she'll believe that.

He looks up, catching his reflection in the overly large mirror. A chill runs up his spine. When his father told him his twin's name had been Kaoru, for a moment he couldn't move, couldn't breathe, his thoughts immediately straying back to what Matty had said. It was a coincidence, it had to be a coincidence, there was no way the four year old could have known that. But then he can't get rid of the gut wrenching, sickening feeling that tells him there's more to this. He's missing puzzle pieces. It's like the last time he saw his mother in the hospital. There's something watching, following his every step.

The lights flicker off with a dull buzzing, casting everything in complete darkness before momentarily coming back on.

Hikaru feels suddenly closed in and wants out but a wave of dizziness forces him to grasp the counter. He takes a few deep breaths. He'll just wait until it passes, find Haruhi, go home. "It's alright, calm down." He whispers but his throat is dry and it's hard to swallow, he feels as if there's something burning underneath his skin and he reaches to turn the water on, insects pour out of the faucet.

Hikaru jerks back, panic flooding his mind as he runs for the door. He twists the handle, finding it locked. He jerks, pulls at it but it won't move. Nearly unconsciously he turns to look back. The deformed crickets, large ants, and cockroaches fill the sink, falling off the edge of the counter. They come out from underneath the stalls, to the point where Hikaru can barely make out the white floor. The door to the last stall begins to shake. There's a pounding and the latch moves as if someone is trying to break through.

He can't think, he's back to trying to force the door open, pounding it. He knows he's screaming, he can tell from the vibrations in his throat. "Open the door! Open the door!"

o0o

It's Mori who Haruhi first sees or rather his head. He's in the back with Hani and Kyoya, towering over anyone else. She runs towards them.

"Haruhi!" Hani shouts through a mouthful of cake, layered with so much pink icing it nearly makes her cringe. Haruhi gives him a half-hearted smile, wedging herself behind Mori, gripping his shirt, hiding herself. She doesn't even have to duck.

"Sorry." She breaths.

"Ahh, don't mention it."

She has to admit she's impressed that the three of them don't seem surprised, although Kyoya raises an eyebrow. "Haruhi, what are you doing?"

Haruhi peeks around from Mori's arm. "Hiding," She says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "From your sister."

Maybe she imagines the corners of Kyoya's mouth quirking upward. "She's gone. I saw her dancing with Shido."

"Great." Haruhi steps away from Mori. "Shido must be... patient."

Kyoya twirls the stem of his wine glass between his fingers. It's a prop Haruhi realizes so it's easier for him to blend in, give him something to do with his hands. "While I'll admit she may be a bit eccentric. She's not too bad." Haruhi just catches him stiffening but he pushes his glasses up trying to hide it. "At least she's better than the rest of my screwed up family."

"I like Fuyumi." Hani chirps. "She told me I could have all the cake I wanted!"

"Ahh."

Haruhi leans slightly forward so she can see Kyoya's face better, grinning knowingly. "It's nice the two of you are close."

Kyoya doesn't comment, lifting his drink to his lips.

"She goes through his underwear drawer." Hani supplies.

Kyoya chokes. Haruhi absently puts a hand on his back. Mori shrugs, remaining impressively stoic. She blinks over at Hani. Since, they're talking about Fuyumi, it's actually not that hard to picture. She's torn between laughing and staring in shock. To bad Hikaru wasn't with her. "She does? Really?"

"Haruuuhiiii!" Tamaki runs up to them, looking slightly out of breath. He takes her shoulders pulling her so close that she's nearly pressed up against his chest. "I was looking everywhere for you!" He loosens his grip, settling for glaring at Kyoya. "And Kyoya I'm surprised at you! You heard me from earlier. I know you did!"

Kyoya clears his throat. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Tamaki points a finger. "You do! Then you send your henchman Fuyumi to take Haruhi away so you can have her all to yourself for the remainder of the night!"

"Tamaki…" Kyoya begins tiredly.

"Don't try to deny it!"

Hani's eyes flicker between them, a fork pressed between his lips. Mori takes his arm, moving them both over to the sidelines. Ordinarily, Haruhi would take this moment to get away and join them but something feels suddenly off. It's almost as if there's another presence with her, whispering through her head. A cold sensation twists in her stomach, travels up her spine.

"I thought Hikaru was with you." She says loudly, focusing Tamaki's attention back on her.

The blond takes a step back rubbing at the back of his head. "Oh, well he was but he said he was feeling dizzy and went to sit down."

Haruhi glances to Mori. He scans the crowd without her having to say anything. "I don't see him."

"Is something wrong?" Hani asks, his voice shaky.

Haruhi doesn't answer, pushing past Tamaki. She can't explain it but the presence is still there. She can feel it with each beat of her heart, coursing through her blood, telling her to find Hikaru. Her stomach feels as if it's in her throat, something's wrong, deadly wrong.

"Hikaru!" She shouts, cupping her mouth, trying to be heard over the music. "Hikaru!"

"Haruhi," She vaguely hears Tamaki from behind her. "What…?"

"I don't know!" She pushes her way through the crowd, not caring if the others are following her. She doesn't have any idea where she's going but it's like she's being driven and she just runs.

She finds a hallway, can see the bathroom door. She can hear Hikaru's voice, hear him screaming. She reaches the door, shouting his name. She turns the handle but it won't open. "Hikaru, you have to let go I can't open it!"

She presses herself up against the door.

"Haruhi!" He sounds hysterical. Something's happening to him, there has to be. She tires the doorknob again, spreads her fingers out against the door where she knows his hand has to be, a few inches of wood separating them. She can nearly feel him.

"Hikaru! Hikaru!"

o0o

Hikaru lets himself sink to his knees, watching as Haruhi struggles with the door. Some of the insects have managed to travel up his clothes and burrow against his skin. He's stopped trying to brush them away. His breath catches in his throat and he freezes when he hears footsteps echo behind him. They're an uneven thumping that sounds deafening as they come slowly closer.

He fists his hands against the door. He doesn't want to look but every ounce of self-preservation he has is screaming at him to turn around and it's as if his head moves by itself. He sees a mismatched figure of himself. Its eyes are hollowed out and swarm with insects. It half limps, half crawls. Limbs jut out at awkward angles. The skin is a spider-web of pulsing veins, some parts look to have been sliced away, hanging in strips while other parts look melted and burned.

The thing moves toward him and Hikaru wedges himself underneath the sink. _This isn't real, this isn't real, this isn't real_ he repeats to himself, trying to focus on anything that isn't here. He draws his legs up to his chest, lets his forehead fall against his knees. He shuts his eyes, covering his head with him arms, willing for it all to stop, go away.

He knows it's beside him, can hear it, feel it crouch down. _This isn't real! This isn't real! _There are fingers on his shoulder, the thing shifts closer. He can feel hot breath at his ear. "Do you like the dreams?"

o0o

Haruhi feels a strong hand grip her shoulder. She glances back, seeing Mori. "Move."

She gets out of the way as he reaches for the doorknob, ready to slam his shoulder into it, break the thing down but he doesn't have to do anything the door just opens. Haruhi runs past him, halting in the middle of the bathroom. For a moment she can only stare "Hikaru?"

He doesn't even look up and she joins him underneath the sink, placing one hand on his wrist and other on his shoulder. "I'm here." She doesn't know what else to say.

He flinches and tears sting her eyes as she wraps her arms around him. "It's okay." She repeats. "I'm here."

She feels him respond, his head falling against the crook of her neck, his arms winding around her back, clinging hard enough to leave bruises. "Haruhi." He breaths

Tamaki joins them a second later placing a hand on Hikaru's back and meeting her eyes in confusion.

"It was here." Hikaru says. "I could see it, the insects and I couldn't… I couldn't get away."

"Hikaru," Tamaki says slowly. "There's nothing here."

She feels Hikaru's fingers curl into the fabric of her shirt, she tries to keep her voice calm, level. "He's right Hikaru, look there's nothing here."

He moves slightly away from her, takes in the normal bathroom, although a slightly fancy one she has to admit. She doesn't know what he saw but she watches as his eyes glaze over and for a moment she thinks he's going to panic again. He doesn't, just tenses and clenches his hands. "But it was here." He protests. "It was right here!"

"What was here Hikaru?" Kyoya asks from where he's leaning against the doorway just in front of Mori. His voice is so unexpected, it makes her jerk her head up, Tamaki meets his gaze wearily but Hikaru doesn't move.

Haruhi wonders how much Kyoya's seen. His expression is grim and his eyes are narrowed in concentration. He knows about Hikaru's mother, about the mental illness, probably even more than she does although he's never brought it up to the others. To her it was only a couple of off-handed remarks. It goes with all the little details he knows about everyone and by the end of tonight he'll know everything. She can practically hear the gears turning in his head.

Kyoya's never irritated her before but now she has to bit her lip to keep from snapping at him. Hikaru's obviously needs their support and Kyoya doesn't have the right to dig into his mother's suicide or anything else. She knows first hand what it's like to lose someone and how painful digging up memories can be. Even now she can still hear the buzz of hospital lights. There's still the image of a doctor speaking to her and her father, telling them what's going to happen. The doctor's sympathetic but he never knew the way Kotoko's eyes sparkled when she won a case, or how she read her bedtime stories, or how she would jokingly smack her father on the back of his head. Still the doctor's sympathetic even as he breaks her world apart.

Hikaru interrupts her thoughts when he breaks away from her, running outside of the bathroom. She follows him and watches as he leans against the wall, taking deep breaths, his eyes momentarily flickering to Kyoya. "N-nothing. It was nothing."

Kyoya doesn't reply to him, instead turning to her. "I'd advise you to take him home."

"I'll come with you." Tamaki volunteers quietly before she can open her mouth. He looks genuinely worried and even to a greater extent solemn. She never would have associated that word with him in the past but Tamaki keeps having ways of surprising her. There's a lot more to him than what he's given credit for. She appreciates the offer but she knows Hikaru wouldn't. She only wants to get him away from everything, maybe if their alone he'll talk to her.

Haruhi shakes her head. "No, it's okay I've got it." She takes Hikaru's hand and he automatically intertwines their fingers.

"Be safe." Mori says as they move to leave the party. She catches Hani in the corner, toying with his fingers. In all the years she's known him, he hasn't changed much, still resembling the little kid she first took him for. She has to remind herself he's twenty-one now. She wonders what he's thinking but he notices her staring and glances up. She tries to smile for him. Somehow he's able to return it full force.

It isn't until they reach Hikaru's car and he wordlessly hands her the keys that Haruhi realizes she can still feel the presence from earlier. It's not nearly as strong but she feels it inside of her, pulsing through her. _Thank you _she whispers mentally. She's never believed in the paranormal before and she still doesn't, not really. It's not rational and even worse it's unattainable. She loves challenges but she wants clear facts that she can draw from. But something happened to Hikaru and she can't explain this thing inside her, how she knew where to go. It feels as if someone's taken her brain and put it in a blender until everything's so mixed up that nothing makes sense.

She climbs into the car when she hears Hikaru's door shut. He's never let anyone drive his baby. He's facing away from her. His elbow on the armrest and chin in his palm, staring out the window.

"Hikaru are you-"

"Please Haruhi… just drive."

She looks away from him and out into the dark. She shudders and for a moment wonders if the night is capable of swallowing her whole.

o0o

AN: Wow, I can't believe it's almost been a year since I've updated this. I really don't have an excuse other then I've lost some interest in this fandom although I still like writing the story so I'm not sure when the next update's coming. Thank you to everyone who took the time out to review and to read this. You guys really do make my day. Also if you have criticism don't be afraid to hold back. I'm not that happy with the way this chapter came out so I'd love to know anyway to make it better. Thanks for reading!


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